


Of Patience and Fear

by Inevitinfini



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 1930s, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Not Innocent (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Not Oblivious (Good Omens), Bratty Crowley (Good Omens), Consensual, Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Demisexual Crowley (Good Omens), Denial, Excessive Drinking, Forbidden Love, Grey-Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Healthy Relationships, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Other, Safe Sane and Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 09:04:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20812556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inevitinfini/pseuds/Inevitinfini
Summary: In which Crowley discovers that Aziraphale reads porn, hijinks ensue but they don't fuck._________________________________________London, 1930.Another clandestine meeting in the park, a slim figure in a trim black suit and hat stands poised next to his companion in white, a more rounded and soft silhouette next to his own sharp angles and gangly limbs. They stand looking over the waters, unspeaking. The last time they had spoken Aziraphale had denied Crowley's request and they had both left rather upset with each other. They hadn't spoken of it since (or spoken to each other at all), although Crowley was still seeking Holy Water, he wasn't here to request it again. He simply couldn't stay angry with his friend forever and had wanted to see him again. It had been many decades.





	Of Patience and Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated 🖤

London, 1930.

Another clandestine meeting in the park, a slim figure in a trim black suit and hat stands poised next to his companion in white, a more rounded and soft silhouette next to his own sharp angles and gangly limbs. They stand looking over the waters, unspeaking. The last time they had spoken Aziraphale had denied Crowley's request and they had both left rather upset with each other. They hadn't spoken of it since (or spoken to each other at all), although Crowley was still seeking Holy Water, he wasn't here to request it again. He simply couldn't stay angry with his friend forever and had wanted to see him again. It had been many decades.

Finally, Crowley spoke and broke the uncomfortable and tense silence. "I'm not here about the same thing as before, you know. I just wanted to...check in on you, I suppose." He winced, knowing how sentimental that sounded. He hated showing softness, but despite this Aziraphale always managed to bring that out of him. 

Aziraphale nodded understandingly, a bit touched by the fact that Crowley only wanted a visit. "Well, I'm glad to hear that at least. My mind hasn't changed. That aside, is that all that brings you here? You simply wished to see me for no particular reason? That's a touch out of character, isn't it? No miracles needed done, no favors?" Aziraphale teased lightly in response, preferring not to cause their rendezvous to end as the last one did by still being angry. After all, he had only ever been angry because he cared for the foolhardy demon and didn't want him hurt by possessing one of the few substances that can utterly destroy him. 

Crowley chuckled at the prod and rolled his eyes ever so slightly, not that they could be fully seen behind his glasses, just a flicker of movement. "Perhaps. Is it a sin to wish for lunch with an old companion after decades of no contact?" Crowley glanced aside his lenses to peer down at Aziraphale, who shrugged in response, "Well, I'd certainly say not. Shall we?" He gestured to the pathway and they began their walk out of the park.

"Where did you have in mind, Crowley?" Aziraphale asked, obviously pleased with the turn this was taking. The way to this Angel's heart is through his stomach, Crowley always knew that. The demon hummed thoughtfully, "Well, I was actually hoping perhaps not to go anywhere public. Not for any particular reason other than I don't feel like dealing with human settings much at the moment. So, back to your shop, then?" Aziraphale seemed to hesitate a moment, not due to a lack of trust. He was simply a bit confused by the request for privacy, but wasn't bothered, so he agreed. "My shop, then. It'll mean I have to make our lunch, but that's no bother. Perhaps I'm too spoiled to having others make food for me anyway. I'm not even meant to eat, it's only right that I sometimes put the effort in to earn the luxury. I also have some lovely vintage wines set aside, we can share a drink as well." 

They made their way to the angel's shop in amicable silence, tension having mostly tamed down due to their willingness to look past their previous encounter.

Upon reaching the shop, Aziraphale set about procuring food and wine for them, hurrying so as to not leave Crowley bored. Oh, he so easily could grow bored. While the food was being made, Aziraphale and Crowley cracked into the wine to pass time and chat over while they waited. Crowley had now already had three glasses and was on his fourth, meanwhile Aziraphale was only starting his second glass himself. He didn't comment on this as it wasn't that unusual for the demon to drink so vigorously, but noted to himself that he seemed to be repressing some stress, which seemed to contribute to the speed at which he finished his wine. They drank and talked about the events they'd experienced since they'd last met while Aziraphale made the food, growing more comfortable with each moment. Any tension from before seemed to have melted away, and they were both grateful for that.

"There truly has been some great change since we last saw one another hasn't there?" Aziraphale mused thoughtfully over his wine, absentmindedly stirring a pot with his free hand. "That there has been, angel. Quite a lot of change. Everything is growing increasingly convenient with industry, which is inconvenient for my job, but I'll adapt as always. There are still areas where I can get my work done and keep the head office pacified." Crowley tipped back another finished glass, pouring yet another as Aziraphale raised his eyebrows at him. "What, Aziraphale?" The angel pulled a face somewhere between concern and amusement. "You're really doing a number on that bottle there, Crowley. Save some for the meal." 

The demon mouthed silently, "Save some for the meal." with a mocking expression. Aziraphale rolled his eyes at this and shooed him out to the seats, "I'll be out soon, take a seat you fiend." He said with an annoyed but endeared tone, shaking his head as he returned to retrieve the food.

Crowley took his seat and nursed his fifth glass, eyes mostly resting on the doorway waiting for Aziraphale to return. His eyes caught some books laid on Aziraphale's own desk, which is where he would lay whatever material he'd been reading most lately. Out of curiosity, Crowley rose to glance through the books, curious about what the angel was getting up to learning these days. A new language perhaps? Historical texts? 

Crowley lifted the books and as he skimmed through the pages it became increasingly clear how wrong he had been. 

Aziraphale had been reading erotica. 

Crowley snapped the book in hand shut and quickly set it down to return to his seat before Aziraphale caught him being nosy. He struggled to process this information. Sure, Aziraphale indulged in wine and food which is odd for an angel to say the least, but sex seemed off limits for angels. Then again, he supposed, nephilim have to come from somewhere. 

He desperately wished he hadn't looked as now Aziraphale returned with their meal and another bottle of wine, unaware of Crowley's discovery. "Bon appetit, I'm better at eating than cooking but you're more here for wine and conversation anyway, aren't you?" Crowley shrugged, perhaps too casually. "I'm not as much of a fan of food as you are anyway, not picky-" He was forcing himself to not let it be known what he'd just been thinking, but was vastly unprepared in his intoxicated state.

They both began eating, Crowley finishing his meal in record time in his snakely nature. Aziraphale, as always, took his time to appreciate what he was consuming, even if it wasn't exactly his usual gourmet restaurant meals. Crowley simply sipped his wine while Aziraphale ate, he knew the angel always took his time and liked to slow down to enjoy such things, and as a result he'd long ago adapted to be patient when sharing a meal with Aziraphale.

Crowley's mind continued to reel as he avoided what he'd seen in conversation, but his discomfort became more apparent as their discussion continued, Crowley growing very quiet and mostly only responding to Aziraphale's contributions to the discussion with short statements. He was distracted, and Aziraphale began to notice, at first writing it off to the wine, but he started to wonder. 

"Is something wrong, Crowley?" 

"Wrong? Wrong? No no nothing's wrong what would make you think that?" The demon stammered drunkenly, visibly nervous. Aziraphale frowned. "Well, the fact that I'm carrying the conversation leads me to believe that you're distracted, you're also drinking faster than I've seen since Rome, and you seem uncharacteristically anxious." 

Crowley inhaled slowly, unsure what to say. He'd been had, but he certainly couldn't admit what was on his mind. "It's nothing important, promise. No need to worry." He slurred slightly, failing to hold composure as well as he hoped for. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow doubtfully, "You're certain nothing is wrong? Or do you simply not want to discuss it? I just rarely see you behave so strange and passive." 

Crowley's eyes betray him and he glances toward the desk and back away, staring at a shelf somewhere behind Aziraphale's head. "It's nothing, angel." 

Aziraphale followed to look at what he'd caught Crowley glancing at and was mortified to realize what he'd left on the desk. Oh dear.

"Crowley?"

"Yes, Aziraphale?" 

"Did you look at the books on my desk?" 

Crowley said nothing. He didn't want to lie. He also didn't want to admit it. His frozen internal panic told Aziraphale all he needed to know.

"Oh good lord. They're for educational purposes, no more. Apologies for leaving such a thing out, though I wouldn't expect it to be so shocking to a demon." Aziraphale's face grew flush as he fidgeted his hands anxiously. So much for comfortable conversation.

Crowley, knowing there was no point in continuing to avoid it, cleared his throat. "It's just odd coming from an angel is all." 

Aziraphale, still attempting to keep himself from imploding from sheer embarrassment, stammered, "W-well what about it had you so distracted you could hardly speak? You were very preoccupied, Crowley."

Crowley inhaled slowly and then scoffed. "Not entirely sure you want to know the answer. Sparing you from the incredible fluster my honesty might induce."

Aziraphale paused at this statement, processing and attempting to understand if Crowley was implying what he inferred. "...Crowley?" 

The demon quirked an eyebrow at him, his own embarrassment shifting into an obnoxious smugness as he realized he could totally mess with the angel. It was in his nature to tempt, to seduce. He couldn't help but try, worst case the angel would reject the advances as he has many other temptations before. 

"Firstly, I should sober up before I continue, if you really want to hear what I was so...distracted by." Crowley eyed him up slowly as he said this, biting his cheek very subtly, the only sign of his nerves. Aziraphale gaped at him, eyes wide and scandalized as the implications piled up. Crowley couldn't possibly be about to say what Aziraphale's internal self hoped for, could he? Yet he also felt guilty, he knew it wasn't something he was meant to indulge in. Yet, much like food and wine, he grew curious about this facet of human activity. He was always wanting to know as much as he could about humanity, and sex was part of that. Yet it also would go against everything he'd been told he was allowed. Heaven may overlook his eating and indulgence in alcohol, but he doubted "sex with a demon" is on the list of forgivable mistakes and sins angels can partake in.

Crowley purged the booze from his body and approached Aziraphale as the bottle refilled and his mind started to clear. He leaned down, placing a hand on the backboard of the chair the angel occupied and moved in close to speak. "You see, I couldn't help but wonder if you reading such a thing means you're secretly interested in participating, or if it's truly only an intellectual pursuit. Perhaps you could elaborate on that for me, angel?" He smirked at the principality with a wicked smug grin, peeking at him from above the lenses of his glasses.

Aziraphale stared at him for a long moment, stammering and searching for a response as nothing of substance left his lips. Meaningless syllables flying from him as he attempted to summon any sort of rational answer. Should he be honest? Should he do as his superiors would expect? 

Crowley gently placed a hand under the angel's chin and tipped it up to meet his eyes. "You don't have to speak, you could act. If you wish, but take your time deciding if you need it." With that he dropped his hand and backed away, dropping back into his seat and crossing his legs elegantly in one smooth movement. "So, what say you, angel? Are you tempted?" He leaned on his hand, still smirking quite obnoxiously. And attractively, Aziraphale would note.

Aziraphale bit his lip and looked away, suddenly self conscious. "I suppose it's got less to do with what I want and more to do with what I'm capable of. Whether I want to or not there will be consequences if discovered, and I don't even know what I'm doing. Reading isn't a substitute for experience." He spoke softly, and this immediately made Crowley soften as well. Crowley's smirk dissolved into a reassuring smile. "If it's experience you need you won't get it by not trying it, but it is ultimately your decision. I suppose I've made my solicitation clear. It's up to you if you partake in it." 

Aziraphale swallowed thickly, expelling the wine from his own body. He couldn't deal with this while tipsy.  
"... I will take note of that." He muttered quietly with a nervous smile.

They managed to salvage their evening and return to comfortable atmosphere after a while, continuing to chat for another few hours or so before Crowley rose, preparing to excuse himself and bid the angel adieu. "I suppose I should be leaving soon, nothing too urgent going on but I still have quotas to fill-"

Aziraphale also stood and made a bashful expression before responding. "I-if you like you could always just stay and not bother with commute. Wouldn't be the first time we've lodged together." Crowley raises an eyebrow quizzically, his smirk making a return. "Oh? And how, pray tell, might I fill temptation quotas from staying overnight in your bookshop, angel?"

Aziraphale simply stared at him with intent, taking a deep breath before responding. "Tempting an angel is an effective excuse wouldn't you agree?" Crowley tilted his head in disbelief. He didn't expect Aziraphale to be so easily receptive to such solicitation, and yet the angel stared at him with those bright and loving eyes as he spoke. 

Crowley hummed under his breath and smiled. "Suppose they can't berate me for such a valliant attempt-" he stepped closer to Aziraphale, backing him into the desk nearby. He slid his glasses off and laid them aside, golden sclera burning into the angels own pale blue irises as he tilted the angel's chin up once more. He leaned closer, hesitating to give Aziraphale the time to stop if he wanted. To his surprise, the angel surged forward rather enthusiastically, pressing their lips together.

All at once, centuries of tension and pining and unacknowledged attraction came crashing down onto the pair as they melted together in mere moments. Crowley cupped his hands to Aziraphale's cheeks, losing himself in the moment. Aziraphale carded his fingers through the demon's hair, tenderly pulling him nearer. 

Crowley boldly placed his hands on Aziraphale's thighs to lift him onto the desk, then pausing to affirm that things were still comfortable for the angel. He didn't want to scare him by moving too fast. He always had been too fast. Aziraphale looked absolutely stunned, but not by being placed on the desk. Rather, he seemed utterly starstruck by the scenario itself. Crowley could barely say the words "Is this alright?" Before the angel uttered a quiet "Yes, absolutely-" and drew him forward for another kiss. 

For an entity who Crowley was quite sure had never done anything resembling this before, Aziraphale was doing well. Honestly Crowley had expected things to be far more awkward than this, but he'd found quickly that Aziraphale was an incredibly tender and sensual lover. As he was with all indulgences, he enjoyed savoring the experiences. This naturally created a cautious and warm intimacy that made his lack of experience completely irrelevant.

Then again, Crowley supposed, he would probably still be attracted to this disaster of an angel regardless. He could kiss with the grace of a bulldog and Crowley wouldn't mind. It was Aziraphale, his confidant, his friend through the ages. They'd seen everything together throughout history, and Aziraphale truly meant the world to the demon even if he was rubbish at putting that into words.

Aziraphale, unsure what to do with his hands after removing them from Crowley's hair, hovered them awkwardly for a moment. Crowley smiled and locked their hands together, fingers clasped momentarily before guiding his hands to his own hips. Crowley was entirely prepared to teach the poor bugger what to do. Aziraphale sighed contently against Crowley's lips, momentarily forgetting how precarious such an involvement with a demon could be for him. No Gabriel, no Michael, no Uriel, only Crowley crossed his mind...at first. He'd always expected Crowley to feel more calloused and rugged, and while his hands certainly were, his lips were surprisingly soft and inviting. 

Crowley leaned in, pulling Aziraphale gently closer by his waist as he trailed soft kisses from his lips to his jaw. He noticed the angel quiver and paused. "Aziraphale? Do you need to stop? Don't rush yourself-"

The angel looked at him, somewhere between incredibly flustered and incredibly anxious. "I-I might need to stop yes, not that this isn't...lovely. It's just, a lot."

Crowley couldn't help but smile at him. "Well, I'm quite proud you even got this far. Look at you now-" he laughed softly in amusement. "Just wanted a trial run did you? That's alright though, we have all the time in the world, haven't we, Angel?" Aziraphale smiled nervously and laughed softly under his breath, "That we do. I'm sorry, I just- it's risky enough the possibility of one of my associates checking in while you're here, let alone them finding such a spectacle. I couldn't stop thinking of the horrible things to follow if such an event occurred." 

Crowley shook his head, clicking his tongue at the angel. "Never apologize for that. Even my lot respect consent. Those who don't aren't given any mercy or privilege. The dark lord may be a dark lord, but even he knows the rules of autonomy well. You simply exercised autonomy. You aren't obligated to anything." Aziraphale's smile grew, eyes crinkling softly at the corners. "Why yes, you're right, aren't you? How silly of me… I suppose it's that I want you to understand that my discomfort isn't your fault." Crowley nodded with understanding, backing away from Aziraphale respectfully. "I know, angel. I know." 

That night marked the beginning of a downward spiral for the pair, sending them crashing into a whole new wall of emotions they hadn't acknowledged. In nearly 6000 years. That's a lot of repression, and also a lot to finally start processing. Despite how well that meeting had gone between them the two didn't acknowledge the change after that point, for a while.

Years passed. New shared moments arose between the two misaligned forces. With each new run-in they learned to show their affection in the most subtle of ways, their own adaptation to survive the wrathful reactions of Heaven and Hell if discovered. 

"-Little Demonic Miracle of my own, lift home?" Crowley, when he said this, it was his own way to safely say I love you. To say it without saying it. They had to be careful, he knew why the angel always hesitated.

More years passed. They both seemed to have agreed to not acknowledge that night in the 30s, but it never ceased to linger in their minds. "You go too fast for me, Crowley."

This also had its own double meaning, and Aziraphale only hoped Crowley knew what he truly meant when he said this. He didn't want to lose Crowley, and he was choosing to acknowledge the true underlying unacknowledged side of their bond. He wasn't rejecting the demon, he was begging him to wait, it's only a matter of time before Aziraphale would be ready. He asked with his pleading eyes for the demon to be patient with him, patient with his hesitation. He wouldn't cave for what he wanted so long as it placed his beloved and dear companion in danger. He couldn't possibly have such incorrect priorities. His mouth said "I can't-" While his eyes and sad smile said, "-but I will catch up to you. Wait for me."

At this point, Aziraphale had started to crack. He'd stolen from Heaven for Crowley, even after all his protest when Crowley first asked him for the Holy Water. He couldn't have him breaking into a church and risking worse. This too, was a way to say I love you. 

They both understood without saying, they knew how dearly they appreciated each other. Despite their fear and the difficulty of such subtlety, they persisted. As they would continue to do. Externally Aziraphale played his part, and he even believed himself when he said he still had faith, but the kernels of doubt planted in his head for centuries had taken root, and would soon break to the surface. He wouldn't admit it but they both knew, when it came down to it, the angel's true fealty rested in Crowley's hands. It always had, really. 

Long pining stares, soft intimate glances, hesitant touches of the hand, the offering of a ride home, the temptation of many meals shared, these things carried them through the decades. Decades of unspoken yearning, boiling beneath the calm waters they put on display. Someday, they hoped fervently, they would be able to finally live authentically in their mutual admiration and love. 

Until then, they would adapt and continue to speak their own love language whenever possible. Crowley would wait, and Aziraphale would only grow more impatient, and more doubtful of his alignment with the Heavenly forces. It was all only a matter of time.


End file.
